I've been trying to think of something to write here for a few days now. Yesterday I concocted this whole entry, chronicling a photo story of Isaac's toys, but blogger screwed up my photo arrangement and wouldn't post it the way I wanted so I deleted the whole thing. It's not that I don't have anything to talk about. I could write about how it got so cold on Wednesday that the fuel pump in my car froze up, rendering it useless and now my beloved Volvo rests weary and alone two towns over at my parents' house, for an undetermined amount of time. Having a mechanic for a husband certainly does come in handy, but not when there are no funds to make repairs - even if you are saving on labor and 'screw you over' costs. So, I remain stranded at home with no vehicle. For however long. It's a good thing I have no friends, no job, no prospects and nothing to do anyways, huh? Is winter over yet? I need sunshine.
There are piles upon piles of unfolded laundry all over the bedroom floor. The laundry never stops. So maybe there's no point in putting it away, right? It's just going to build up again and end up right back on the floor.
Sometimes I sit here and look around our apartment here and wonder how much longer we'll be here. We keep talking about preparing to buy a house sometime soon. Who knows how long that will take. But in the meantime I have this very unsettling feeling about our living situation. We have this big beautiful place with an ocean view and tons of space. We have lots of nice stuff (well I consider it nice) and happy little toys everywhere with happy pictures on the walls and it's all very happy. We have a very understanding and lenient landlord. But I can't help but feeling that he's only going to be understanding for so long. We have no lease, no official agreements or anything. I keep devising back-up plans in my mind trying to keep in mind that things could change any day. Living in constant anxiety while simultaneously trying to enjoy it while it lasts.
I remember what life was like when I was a kid, being as dirt poor as we were. Not to say it didn't give us all a little character. But to think about how much my parents must have worried and stressed about it...now that I'm in their positions it's some big time reality and it's scary stuff. Especially the way things are going right now. Uncertainty plagues us all I suppose.
Isaac has been a real joy lately. Sarcasm. Deep, profound sarcasm. Last night he woke up around midnight SCREAMING for seemingly no reason, and no matter what could not be consoled. He was crying so hard he was shaking and nearly choking. It was a little scary there for a minute, I had no idea what the problem was. So I busted out some Bach's Rescue Remedy..a few drops on the tongue and VOILA! He calmed right down. Sucked his thumb quietly in my arms for a while. I stayed up with him for a bit, making sure he reacted to the magic potion okay and whatnot. Sang to him, played around in bed a little. He fell asleep alright but it was another restless night. Keeping him in his crib was working well for a while there, but lately he's been back in our bed. Waking every 90 minutes or so. I refuse to get up and down that often in the night - it only makes me lose my temper and I get zero sleep. I think he must be working on another tooth. Also it gets freezing cold in the bedroom at night so he might just want some body warmth to cuddle up to. Who could blame him for that? He's crawling around everywhere and getting into everything. I thought the newborn days were tough...all he did then was nurse and sleep! Barely moved. Now I'm chasing him all around and he wears me right out. It's fun though, makes things a little more crazy. The cutest thing is that he's recognizing Joel as this real staple in his life, someone he yearns to be with and loves to see. He squeals with delight and wiggles all around when Joel comes home from work, cries if he leaves the room. I like to see him realizing the constants in his life. He'll be 7 months old tomorrow. I can't believe that. Seven months ago right now I was in labor. Whaaat? It was a whole other lifetime ago and yet it just happened yesterday.
